Knowing family

So I grew up in a big family, and my sister said to me today, "... and you know me..." and went on about her story. That got me thinking. I don't really know my own sister anymore, or any of my siblings for that matter. When I say know, I mean know who they've become. I talk to them but I don't see them but once a year for a few days. To know someone is to know the changing person. That can only be through longer interaction. Seeing choices made, situations dealt with. That is, to see the person they are becoming/are. Not to say a person is their actions but that does seem to be something closest relating to who someone is, in the way I'm defining it (in my head anyway for this instance)
The trouble with siblings is that as we grow older they sort of stay the same, maybe grow at 1/10 their actual development in our lives that they do in their own. We miss out on so many changes. I'm trying to understand in my head how to resolve this.

I'll start by trying harder to listen to what they actually saying and not listen for them to reinforce the stereotype of them I have in my head. I've seen that mistake in others and never thought it was also the plank in my own eye. Hard to say you don't know someone as close to you as a brother, but I think it takes strength to say it and to try to accept that, and open your mind back up to a new person.

I'll say this, family, what is that strong and strange tie that links us together?

My wifes double life

This is the post that is on 90% of blogs, "I've been neglecting my blog and I'm going to really try to make an effort to post some stuff." Thats why my first posted blog stated that I may or may not update my blog in any sort of frequency that I feel I will or will not do... ah or it says that lets see how well I do in posting, and so far it's been a little weak. I think I post comments on other poeples blogs way more than I post to my own... anyway I'm bored at hearing anymore thoughts on this.

Oh I loved that I happened across a blog the other day from a woman complaining that she thinks her husband never reads her blog! LOL, That cracks me up. I think if my wife bloggeed, I'd read it at first, but it was the same stuff she told me about that day then I would stop reading it. However, if it were secret details of her hiden, double life that I've always wondered how she managed to do with out me having even the slightest bit of eveidence to say she has... Ok that was a run on sentence and even I'm forgetting what I'm saying. I'm saying if my wife had a blog that said things about her secret double life, then I'd be terribly interested about how she manages to spend so much time with me and yet is able to fit in another life on the side!!! She'd DEFINITLY have to be ninja trained, that grace and skill alone would be hard to keep from my keen observing eye. And the skill and knowlage that would be involved in learning to hide that skill.. it's just too much for me to believe... Lets say she didn't have a ninja skill, but rather the lucky James Bond type skill. Where she always got back into "place" right at the right time. Then I WOULD have no evidence, but no evidence is not evidence. That she is, I bet, banking on! No, no, no she can't. I haven't had her followed to her lunches, so I can't be sure she IS eating lunch, that would explain her physique, skipping lunch to do spy stuff for the governement, or work for crime bosses of the underowrld of LA stealing famous works of art, Gosh it really could be either! She did say she wanted to go see the King Tut exibit, I wonder if she's scouting it out and I'm her cover? The only way for me to find out is to start a double life of my own, one of mystery and intrigue!!! Where the slightest miscalculation and the proverbial deck of cards would come crashing down! Ah, the double life. Well, I'll let you all know how it goes, or I'll forget to, or I'll be in a turkish prison and can't... not that I would in that situation b/c blogging wouldn't be a priority at that juncture. It will however make for a great novel! Until I write again...

Shoes of the apocalypse

Funny thing about me is, when I put shoes on, not always, but anytime I put on shoes other than my every day shoes I think, “Are these the shoes I’d want to be wearing if the apocalypse happens today?” Funny thing though, I don’t normally think about the apocalypse. I don’t think about what that means or how that would happen, I just think about how pissed I be if I had on dress shoes or something, or on the contrary I’d be happy that I had on such a rugged pair of boots that day. I watch WW2 movies and how shoes are the first thing people take from a dead body. I mean if you only have what you had on, for the post apocalyptic world shoes would be a big thing, right?

Raining today

So LA's been getting a lot of rain lately. I like it that it washes my car and that it gives me a feeling of comfort. Why is that? (Not the washing car why but the comfort part) Rain feels like it protects me, there are less people on the street, you can't see people in other cars very well. So there's the primal fear of people. Hmmm I also likie the sound, it's better that the busy sound of the city, and traffic. Well it's a nice break in that sound anyway. Ok I feel like rain is kind of boring to talk about everyone likes rain or doesn't who cares it's small talk anyway.
Well what eva'
I'll write more later.
(unless I die, then I hope you forgive me, aaaaaaand if you don't I won't care either)

Shaved head

I shaved my head today, not bald but close. I find it strange how it's a subtle shock every time I look in the mirror. Like I'm not ready for it all to be off. I've done this a lot before and you'd think I'd be used to it. ... But I'm boring myself writing about my hair. I love that. "So what's your blog about?" someone might ask. I'll say well so far I've written a brief hello and a little about my hair.
Well what am I supposed to write about, anything. I say that more for me, than you. I have to keep reminding myself that there is no point. I can write whatever I feel.
Here's something the moved me today. I hear a story on npr about a little boy in Africa born with AIDS. He was the oldest boy in Africa born with AIDS, he was 11. The moving thing is how the interviewers talks about the boy and during the interview he [the interviewer] wants to stop because he can tell the boy is losing his strength. But the boy won't let him he wants to talk about death to him. He's not afraid of dieing. That's not unusual, people whoa re sick and have had to face death for a long time have become a custom to the thought of death. What stuck me what the boys mantra. He said, comming form a boy who's very very weak and the thinnest person alive, he said "to do the best you can with what you're given, in the time you have, where you are." I think that touched me because I've been thinking about how I cannot effect large things in life (I'll elaborate more later) but for example the election or something along those lines. I got upset when the election didn't come out as I was hoping. I felt upset because I did everything I could, talked to people, etc, but it didn't help. Or rather it didn't change the out come. So I began to realize that I don't make an impact on the world as a whole but I do make a big impact on the people immediately around me. My wife, for example, if I were to come home in a bad mood I could put her in a bad mood. So it's all in perspective. My importance in life. I'll have to expound on that more later... it will always be more later. The thought are coming in my head too fast for me to type.

…and then they are gone.

Hey hey hey blog!

So this is blog. Well I'm a big cliché with my oh look at me I'm new to blogging if that what you call the act of doing this. Well I'm going to make this short and write more at home.

Well here is my first musing. I don't really like that word since it sounds like I'm an old woman, with my "musings". Oh and another thing the puctuation here is as I deem fit. I am in the top 5 percentile of run on sentence makers so get used to it.

And my last thought before I go back to work, why do I want to blog? Do I think I have something to say? Will people read it? I donno. I guess I don't care. I used to write in a jurnal, well sort of. I guess over time you'll see how often I write in my journal. Oh I got off the point I can't read my hand writing and I'd like to go back to it sometimes. Ok well I'll write more later. (again that is obvious since it is assumed that you will write more later, GOD!) I'm a cliche and a hypocrite and comforatable with that. ok I'l get to that more later. I'll ramble on and on if I don't cut myself off, ask anyone who knows me.