Thoughts on heaven

Dave's Heavenly House of Humus. That's my place in heaven, stop by if you make it up there. Everything is free since what sort of monetary system could work in heaven? None, I don't really care about that anyway, not in heaven anyway. No I'll have a small shop, next to the pita shack (not too clever a name but the pita is wonderful) We work together, basically the same place, but the other guy has his thing I have mine... anyway I digress. I know a lot of people are excited to get into heaven, go to the big feast, check out the golden streets, gaudy precious stone encrusted mansions, everyone running to claim theirs... a mad house I'm sure you can imagine. Oh and the celebrity Angeles, Saints, not to mention Jesus and God. Lord, will there be chaos initially.
So here's how I picture it, once you get past the long long line, that stretches for near infinity (you're there for eternity you can wait) this all just to get in, Saint Peter has to ask them all questions, and as you wait you talk at length to the people around you in line. I wonder if there will be little Mexican/Indian/etc children selling Chinese made trinkets along the way, just happy as can be that everyone is "buying". Anyway, skip to the end of the line (in story wise you can't skip in line to get into heaven... or at least nobody does for fear of hell) So skip to the end of the line Saint Peter asks you his question, and as much as you prepared you still have to think about this one... think, think, think, answer probably good enough, but there was a lot of pressure from the billions of people behind you. Anyway you're in! You get your welcome package from some overbearing Christians, who are way too eager to help out in heaven. You immediately throw the paper stack into the trash to hell. You are then ushered into HIS presence, names read form the Lambs book (of life but the of life was dropped some time before you got in) Anyway you get your new name, and it fits like a glove, or so you tell yourself since it's your name for eternity, might as well like it.
Now here's where most people go nuts running for their mansion, going to eat with Jesus, etc. Sure all the food is amazing, yaddi-yaddi-ya, Jesus is so nice, oh what a wonderful place. Well this is where the smart people know you have to stake your claim, make a new life for yourself in heaven. I'm already planning mine, hopefully, when I die I won't forget and have to think of a whole new life (while in line to heaven).
I want to interject that this whole thing came up because someone mentioned great toffee. I love toffee and hope to situate my Heavenly House of Humus somewhere near a great toffee, coffee, desert joint. Somewhere quaint away from the mansions. You know, I'm just no that into all the space for no reason. I mean I'll take a hot tub, and pool, nice game room, theater etc, but look I don't need 50 rooms (watch I get to heaven and everyone expects to stay over when they come and I'm like I only have 3 bedrooms and everyones like WHO ONLY HAS 3 BEDROOMS!?!?!) Maybe it will be a blessing when the in-laws come. I know you're not married in heaven, doesn't mean Molly and I won't be hanging out, that is unless Leaonado DeCaprio is single in heaven, then I might have to wait until she tires of him. Sheesh, how can you compete with that guy on earth much less if he makes it into heaven. Damn! Right? Anyway. I can go on and on about heaven so I'll stop here.
Oh and the "Cloud 9 Coffee Shop" guys don't go there, they are so unoriginal, sure their coffee is just as good as everyone else's, but come on! (Yes they think my name is dumb too, I bet we'll play soccer against them and tie every time since we're all equally good, arg!)

Oh even tho my name changes in Heaven I'm sticking to Dave's Heavenly House of Humus sort of as an homage to the person I was on earth. And so people know where to find me.

Thought for later, will there be search engines like googleHeaven.com for all the people? or just AskAnAngel.com? or maybe no .com's maybe just .god or .hvn or what if there's no internet!??!? Oh GOD!

Jesus, water into wine

Do you think Jesus drank wine, or just provided lots of it for his friends and friends of his parents? Do you think he turned water into wine a lot? I mean he does it once everyone loves it... people are going to ask again right? Or do you think he said, "no, no that was a one time deal, they ran out of wine and my mother really wanted me to do it", but lets be honest, that seems like he'd be willing to do it again.
And maybe there was one Disciple who was always asking, and he annoyed Jesus so Jesus told Peter, “I just don't have the heart to turn him away. When we leave tomorrow for Galilee just don't wake him”.
maybe at one point one Disciple had to yell at another, "STOP MOOCHING WINE OFF OF JESUS!!! God, go buy your own wine sometimes!"
Could it be that he did it once and everyone just let it go, and didn't talk about it much, then just put it in the bible? No, you know that HAD to come up again! Something like, “Jesus, you turned water into wine. We're all hanging out here, chillin' just drinking boring old water..." or the more direct "Come on, that was so easy for you!!! Hook a brotha-in-Christ up!" And if he did it'd mean Jesus was cool like that. Then they hi-five, and you know Jesus, you'd always get the perfect hi-five. You'd never get miss-hits or too sweaty hands.